Zzzzzzzz

I am so tired for some reason.

So, I had my interview today for the receptionist job at college. I don't know if I've got it yet but it seemed to go pretty well.

I had a little nap when I came in and then I got on with the washing up and the bathroom so at least mum'll be happy.

Got a book from the college library on storyboarding so I'll have a proper look at that later.

I was thinking, now that I have my camera, I could take some pictures of the bits and pieces I have for Dead House so you (assuming of course that one day someone will actually view this blog) will have an idea of exactly what it is I'm doing.

I'll do that later, that'll probably be my next post.

What else? Oh yeah, I didn't have any smart looking jeans or trousers to wear to the interview today so I borrowed some off my mum, size 12! They were a bit tight but considering I was wearing 16s, that's good.

I weighed myself the other day and my starting weight was 11st 12lbs. I know, right? Lol. Anyways, so I weighed myself and I am 11st 3/4lbs. :D So I'm getting there.

I can get into a size 12 pair of jeans now at any rate so I'm happy.

Right, I'm gonna take these pics, I'll post em up later so...if there's anyone there in the world wide web, stay tuned :P

Laters xXx

Up Around The Bend

Is what I'm listening to. My dad gave me a load of Creedance Clearwater Revival tracks so :D

I've been playing around with my camera so I thought I'd put some photo's up.








The cat's called Smoky, the rat is Ratticus Rabies, and the others are just some macro shots I took to get to grips with the controls and everything.

I've got the interview for the receptionist at college tomorrow...and I have my induction day on monday.

Been busy today, blitzed the kitchen and finished up tidying my room. Should probably get a practice on my keyboard in today, and I gotta toddle off and get the washing in before it rains.

So yeah. Not much to update really.

Laters xXx

Almost September

Which means almost college time :P

I can't wait to be back at college man. The next two years doing pretty much nothing but photography XD That's the life!

I am SPECTACULACULAR!!!! Not only is my room pretty much finished but my mum got me a gooden today. She went down nanna's as usual and she was supposed to ask my grandparents if they would be willing to give me money for birthday and christmas to go towards my camera. Instead, she and Grandad Mike went into town and bought it XD. So I have a nice new quality canon camera. We're still asking everyone to give me money for my bday and xmas and then we'll just give it all to grandad mike.

And my dad worked his arse off getting my room up together. I swear to god, I have the coolest family ever :P

Yeah, they can be pains in the arse sometimes but...it's so worth it cos one thing that has to be said about my family is that when things go south, we're here for each other.

One thing about going through what this family's been through, it can either tear the family apart or it can bring it together, and ours has been lucky because we're pretty close now.

Oooh, and I did some research on the demon I've chosen for my main baddie and he's pretty cool.

My mum let me have the art table, so I have a proper place to draw out story boards and concept designs and stuff...I need to get some blue tack and masking tape though.

So yeah. Spectaculacular. XD Hope everyone reading this or not reading this, just everyone in general, hope everyone's having a good day :)

I'll probably post on tuesday after my job interview.

Later dudes xXx

Renewed determination

So today was a bad day. Everyone has them. But I just started thinking today, y'know, I could let it all get to me or I could just accept that I had a shitty day and just put it behind me.

I could do so much shit to myself to prove to that damned woman that I can fit their stupid criteria, it just made me feel so shit, like I obviously wasn't worth their help...my parents were furious and to be honest so was I. I've tried to kill myself twice, how the hell do I not fit their criteria?

But then I got to thinking. Why should I let me life go to hell again just cos some stupid bitch can't do her job right? Instead of trying to prove her wrong, I'm gonna fucking prove her right!!!

I don't need their pathetic attempts at therapy. I've got everything I need. I can sort through the shit in my head by myself.

If I keep giving up, I'm never gonna get anywhere, and that's gonna screw me up way more than the worthless feeling I have when they don't wanna help me.

I guess I'm just sick of letting stupid things get the better of me.

Not gonn ahappen anymore.

Later dudes xXx

One of those mornings

Okay so it's been one of those mornings.

I got a letter from the CMHT that's a copy of what they sent my doc, and it says "She was bright and alert at assessment and we feel does not fall into our criteria at this present time."
So much for finding out if I'm bipolar.

I got a letter from Jobseeker's allowance saying "We cannot pay you an allowance from 10 August 2010..."

So no jobseekers allowance...which means no money.

Now that I'm a full time student though, I might be able to claim either EMA or ALG.

And I have an interview at college for that evening receptionist job at 11am on Tuesday so...we'll see how that goes.

So, I can't get Season 3 of Supernatural which was gonna be my present for getting an A, I can't get my tattoo done and I can't get my camera, which I'm gonna need for a BTEC in photography.

I know the tattoo isn't such a big deal, I mean, it's only to remind me to keep going. Not important.

But my camera...I mean yeah, I wouldn't have been able to get it straight away on JS's anyway but that was supposed to give me a boost in saving up for it.

How the hell am I supposed to do a BTEC in photography without a decent camera? And I'm on trial as well...I'm gonna show up without a decent camera, that's gonna be a great fucking start!

I spilled water from the washing machine all over the floor, and the washing machine's not working and it made everything downstairs stop working too although I flicked the switch so now everything's back on except the washing machine.

So yeah...one of them days.

I'll post back when I'm in a better mood.

Later dudes. xXx

Home sweet home

So I'm back from college. A painful day hehe. I decided I'd try being a proper girl for once and wore heels...every time I wear heels it reminds me of why I always wear boots. Heels are a pain in the arse...or more to the point, the feet.

So, I got onto the Photography BTEC so I'm really happy about that. I'm not staying in Una's tutor though, which is kinda sad cos Una's a lovely lady and she's helped me a lot this past year.

And I'm on trial as it were for the BTEC. So I have to work majorly hard to make sure I show them I can do it.

Oh and I applied for a job at college as an evening receptionist so fingers crossed for that.

Anyways, I'm knackered

Later dudes xXx

Live from college

Well, I guess it's not really live but I'm at college so that's the title explained for ya.

The reason I'm at college right now is I'm getting courses for September sorted.

When I enroled, the woman signed me up for GCSE Core Science and GCSE Film Studies but the sheet of paper you get given when you come in to see your tutor, it had them, but it also had BTEC Photography, so Una, my tutor, is waiting for Santo who I think is head of photography to come out of a meeting to try and persuade him to let me do the BTEC. My former photography teacher Sam seems pretty open to the idea but it's Santo we have to convince. I hope to god he lets me do it cos that'll be awesome.

I wonder if I'll have time to do the two GCSE's along side it...cos that'll save me time in going onto Uni.

I don't know how long a BTEC is, I think it's two years. But if I can do that, it'll take a year off the time it takes me to get to AUCB so...I really hope this goes good. I have to go see Una again in a couple of hours after she's had a chance to talk to Santo. She said that Sam and Mary (the lecturer for BTEC) said that it was more likely for him to let me on the BTEC then the A level although I'm not entirely sure why, I think the BTEC focuses more on technique then analytical skills. Or something.

I don't know, we'll have to wait and see. Also, if I stay in Una's tutor group even if they let me do BTEC (I don't know they might change me) but assuming I stay in Una's, one of my mates from when I first started is in her tutor group too so I won't be totally larified :P

So yeah, I'll post back when I know more, which will be some time after 2, probably when I get home.

So yeah, catch you later dudes x

Addition

So my mum's happy I got an A...my sister can't even manage a well done. She's doing my head in at the moment so screw her. She's so fucking self-absorbed. It's all about her.

I know I might seem self absorbed because everything I write on here is something to do with me but...it's a blog. As far as I know that's what you're supposed to do on a blog.

But she can't even manage to be happy for me for passing my GCSE.

I'm kinda sad though because I told Jensen I was waiting for my results for photography, cos he's really interested in photography too and he wished me good luck, but because he had to delete his page, I can't tell him I got an A :(

And Jared said if I was worried I should take acting classes, and I can't tell him that college are doing an extra called 'College Production' where you can choose to act...

It just makes me sad that they were really down to earth regular guys that you could talk to and it was so nice to talk to them...and now I can't anymore. I know that a lot of people are like oh they're actors and they're hot and yadda, yadda, yadda, but they're such nice people behind all that and they really put you at ease so you feel like you've made a couple of good friends...so I feel like I've lost two good friends.

But...I'm determined that somehow, one way or the other, I'm going to work with them. Especially since Jensen said he wanted to do more directing as well.

It's kind of just inspired me to write a film about maybe two friends like, pen pals or something, that travel a long way to find each other and the things they have to get past and all that...maybe...I dunno. Y'know, one of them feel good films.

I've been able to get down main ideas for Dead House but for some reason I just can't actually write the script. I just go blank every time I try.

But I'm sure it'll come to me eventually. Maybe when I just get back in the routine for college and all that, I'll get going.

And I really think having a proper writing area in my room when it's all sorted will help as well.

Got my interview at college tomorrow. Well it's not really an interview, it's more actual enrollment. Like, getting my student ID and everything.

I'm actually looking quite forward to this year, actually, I'm looking forward to pretty much everything because like I've said previously, I'm in a stupidly healthy frame of mind.

Like, I dunno, it's like things that would have torn me down a few months ago just...they still effect me but not enough to cause me to break anymore. I've managed to keep holding it together and I'm feeling better than I have in years, like...more positive.

So yeah. I'm feelin' pretty gooooooooood. Hope ya'll are feeling good too.

Later dudes.

x

Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind

So it turns out I didn't need to worry about my photography GCSE after all. Not only did I pass it, somehow, don't ask me how, I managed to get a fucking A of all things!

I have absolutely no idea how I managed it but I am so happy. I nearly burst into tears when I opened the envelope and saw the mark cos I convinced myself I had failed and I did like a double take and then I was like...this can't be right.

So that puts my GCSE count to three, doing another three this year and then hopefully, fingers crossed, I can go on to do the Creative and Media Diploma next year. And then off to Uni. I hope.

A girl I met through a friend today bluetoothed me Jensen singing so I now have that as my ringtone. He's singing with another guy who I think is Jason something, that's who he usually sings with. It's a good song actually, I rather like it :P

Um what else? Oh yeah, I think I'm finally cracking down on the actual plot for Dead House. It's coming along :P The only sad thing is that I've filled up my notebook, I had this chunky notebook dedicated solely to Dead House, and now it's filled up so I have to use my Angels and Demons notebook instead. Doh.

But yeah, plot's almost done. It might change a bit in the writing but so long as I know vaguely what I'm doing, I can figure it out.

Watched one of my favourite episodes of Supernatural last night and I had the commentary on and it was Eric Kripke (Creator of Supernatural and Director of episode in question), and he was pretty funny. It was highly educational actually. Oh, the episode was S2E20, 'What is and what should never be'.

The book I've got on making short films says one of the best ways to learn is to watch things with the commentary on. So I'm gonna go through my films with the commentary's on.

Oh and the post title is Nickelback lyrics, to the song If today was your last day...I think.

Later dudes
x

Three little birds

"Don't worry about a thing, cos every little thing is gonna be alright."

- Three Little Birds, Bob Marley

Man, I should have that tattooed across my arm or something because it's my mantra at the moment.
Just got reminded by a mate on facebook that gcse results are released tomorrow. I only did photography, if I fail this GCSE then I'm gonna be ultra gutted.

I did fine as far as concepts are concerned but I'm worried I'll get marked down because I didn't really pay much attention to the technological terminology like F stops or macro or anything.

I'm really into photography so I really don't wanna fail this. Besides, if I fail it, I won't be able to do A Level photography, which I really wanna do next year.

My moods have been up and down all over the frickin shop this week. One minute I'll be fine and relatively cheery and the next my heads spinning and I'm wondering what the fuck I'm playing at even attempting to do anything I wanna do.

I mean...dreams are just that, right? Dreams!

But then I sort of shake myself out of it and somehow convince myself to keep trying.

Oh my god...I've just had a massive idea for Dead House, so I gotta go write!!!

Laters dudes xX

Sunday

I have a distinct lack of interesting titles at the moment.

So, I had a fantastic day yesterday, got some new shoes (heels of all things, I went to get boots and got boots but heeled boots...which is so not usually what I go for but they were just so cool) and not only did I get some headphones, but I got an MP3 player to go with it thanks to my lovely mother :D

So we did the stuff in town, then we went to see The Sorcerer's Apprentice, which was awesome, Nicholas Cage was FANTASTIC! And it had some very amusing bits in it. So after that we went to Pizza Hut and I swear to god, their Toffee Apple Crumble is just...super spectaculacular :P

Unfortunately I ate too much and had way too much excitement cos when Andy was driving us home I had to pull him over. I wasn't actually sick thank god, but it was cutting it close. So I gets back in the car and then we start driving again and when we get to the round about in cricklade that goes to Purton I was like just pull over and I'll walk. So I did.

And I got home and spent like an hour sat next to the toilet and then decided fuck this, it's so not what I wanted to do with my night, so I got my laptop and I got the disc of season three of supernatural and I went to bed.

I'm just chuffed I didn't throw up.

I still don't feel top dollar but I'm okay now :)

But yeah, yesterday was brilliant.

Oh, and mum said I could have her season's of supernatural :P Which means I don't have to buy one and two, I can start straight from three XD

My mum rocks :P

The stuff for my room is coming tomorrow and my beds coming on friday so next weekend we're gonna finally finish up my room :P

Hopefully when I can spread out more I'll get more work done.

Anyways, I'm gonna go watch the special features for Dead Silence and then probably watch it again and then supernatural. Mum's out for a band job and dad's in his room so I'm left to my own devices :P

Laters x

Saturday

7:35 AM on a fucking saturday morning man, I must be outta my mind lol.

It's mum's fault. She got me up at quarter to. We're going into town on the stupidly early bus of 20 past 8.

And then after we've done a few bits in town we're gonna go see the sorcerers apprentice.

I ended up in a really foul mood after Kay went last night, but I'm feeling a little better now. Gonna get some headphones today, yay, finally.

Since I haven't actually done anything yet today, I don't really have much to update on. I'm really gonna kick myself into doing some work when I get home from town.

Hopefully when I've got all my furniture and I've properly sorted out my room, I'll be more motivated to work because I'll be able to spread out better and be able to see what I'm actually doing.

I'm not sure which version of Dead House to write first but I don't really need to make the decision yet because the changes in direction don't happen til later on. They've only just got inside the manor so I've gotta a while. I'll probably just see where this one takes me.

I took Dantalian out of actual demon legend so I'm gonna do some research on him later, see if I can find anything to add.

Anyways, away I go.

Laters x

Dead Silence

So I watched Dead Silence, like I said I would, and I think it was a good film, it was definitely interesting. The soundtrack was good and I think it was great that it was a good old fashioned ghost story not a blood and guts orgy.
It had an interesting thing where just before Mary Shaw (the ghost) attacked, all sound would stop, which was really cool.
And the face effect of the victims was awesome, like how their face goes after Mary got them, it was really cool, so yeah that'll definitely be going in my film collection.

So apart from Dead Silence, I also watched the first disc of Season Three of Supernatural and it was awesome. I must admit though, that the first episode was a little...off. I don't know, it's kind of hard to explain but it seemed a little jolted, like it didn't really fit together very well. Don't get me wrong, it was a good episode but...Also, I didn't like the Tamara girl or whatever her name was, I don't think she was a very good actress.

But I still loved it. Episode three was brilliant. Sam was hilarious when he lost the rabbits foot so he was getting all this bad luck and he lost his shoe and caught his arm on fire and fell over and knocked the waiters tray everywhere. And then Dean's epic line of "I'm batman"...oh it was brilliant.

Mum ordered the stuff for my room today as well, so I can finally finish getting my room up together, it's gonna be awesome. Also, she's letting me have her art table and she's having my computer table so I'll finally have somewhere decent to paint...which is awesome.
And I'm having a proper desk, like we've got this big bit of wood that we're gonna put over two cabinets to make and extra big desk so I can spread out more when I'm working. It's gonna be so immense, and we're getting a book shelf, which is fantastic because right now all my books are piled up everywhere, I swear it looks like a miniature version of Bobby's (supernatural fans will know what I mean :P)

Oh, and a bed frame. Right now I have a matress on the floor cos my wooden bed was busted. So I'll be able to put things under my bed so for once I might actually end up having a relatively respectable room for once. I swear, everyone thinks that teenage girls and young women are supposed to be like...totally OCD with tidying their rooms. Not me. I'm a total slob. Well...I'm not a TOTAL slob...I'm just not exactly the cleany fairy.

I just always seem to have too much stuff for the amount of furniture and storage, so I always end up with things piling up. Especially paper. I write bits of stories and films and stuff down and then I have stacks of papers and they fall off my computer table and then I end up having them stacked on the floor and it just ends up a big pile of mess. I'm surprised nothing has spontaneously combusted yet haha.

I've been having some really 'off' moods recently. But I was ready for them. The last few weeks I've been stupidly cheery and determined and optimistic, and any time that happens, there's always gonna be the come down.

That's part of why I suspect I'm bipolar. Not because I HAVE mood swings because everyone has them, but because of how big they are.

It's not just the moods anymore though. I mean, for the last few days I've been on a come down from my 'manic' stage, but it's getting worse. The last couple of nights I've been have dreams where I've started self-harming again. I'm not planning on doing that ever again but...As any self harmer out there will know, when you've been there, and the thoughts in your head again, it's a bitch to get out.

I think one of the reason's I like the Winchester brothers so much is that in a way I can kind of relate to them. I mean I know they're fictional, I'm not that crazy, but it's not the whole demon thing, it's their characteristics as people. I mean, everyone finds something in the characters they watch or read about that they can relate to, that's what makes you have a connection so you can care about what happens to them...otherwise there would be no reason for you to pay attention to the story.

Well, I can relate to Dean because of his issues with not having a proper family, and for his feelings that he's tired of the fight. Dean tries to make jokes out of things when he's scared or upset, I do the same thing except I get sarcastic and cynical because I really suck at humour.
Dean values family, so do I. He has a proper sense of what's right and what's wrong and even though sometimes the line seems blurred, his hearts in the right place. I don't know if my heart is but I do know that I'm very passionate when I'm talking about right and wrong. I think one of the saddest bit in season one is in Skin because even though it's the shapeshifter talking, he's using information he's read from Dean's mind, about feeling like a freak and being alone. It's obvious from several episodes that Dean has abandonment issues. So do I. Dean doesn't want to be alone and neither do I.

Sam I relate to on a totally different level. Sam just wanted to be normal for once, he wanted to have a normal, happy life. That's what I want sometimes. Also there's the whole thing that he's scared of becoming evil. Him and Dean have spent their whole lives killing evil, and when he starts getting his psychic abilities and later on when he finds out why, he's terrified of becoming what he's hunted. I've never hunted evil but becoming evil, even if it's not in the demonic way that Sam does, is something I fear every day.

I'm kind of in the middle of Sam and Dean. Sam is a lot more emotionally open than Dean is. Dean bottles everything up because he thinks he has to. He thinks that as long as Sam's safe, that's all that matters. It's not till later that Sam starts bottling things up too.
I'm a lot more emotional than Dean is but I do what Dean does. When Dean gets emotional, he usually ends up getting pissed off rather than sad and depressed. When I was little I used to cry all the time. The slightest thing of someone being mean to me or something bad, and I'd cry. But then I guess something changed and instead of crying, I got angry. I think that's another thing I can relate to with Sam. He says at one point to Dean that he can't stop getting angry for no reason. I mean, yeah, it's different for Sam because his demony stuff but I get really angry for no reason as well.

Having a totally awesome chat with Kay. It's amazing the change in relationship. We used to totally do each other's heads in, we'd be like bitching at each other all the time, like you literally couldn't have us in the same room without one of us starting on the other, but now we're pretty close.

I think that's another thing that I like about the Winchesters. Their relationship. I mean the shit they go through and how much they look out for each other, even when in the later seasons they kind of fall apart (I'm assuming from clips as I haven't actually seen the later seasons yet), they still have an amazing relationship. I wish I was that close to my sisters.

I think the person I'm closest to in the whole world is my mum. She's literally my best friend. That's one thing I can't imagine having in common with Sam and Dean. They lost their mother and that's how everything got set in motion. I can't imagine ever losing my mum. She's the rock in my life.

If you don't wanna have any Supernatural spoiled then stop reading.

Oh my god, the second episode of Season three that I watched today, there were these changeling things and Dean met this kid called Ben who for a while he thought was his cos he had a fling with the woman eight years before and it was Ben's eigth birthday, and Ben was actually like a mini Dean, he loved ACDC and everything. But anyways, the changeling mother thing gets Ben and replaces him with a changeling boy who looked like Ben so Dean and Sam went to rescue the kids. Anyways, Afterwards, the woman assures Dean that Ben's not his because she had a blood test done and all that and Dean looked really disappointed.

So anyways, at the end of Season Two, Dean sold his soul to bring Sam back from the dead, so he only has a year to live and he said to the woman something about when you're gonna go you wonder what you're gonna leave behind besides a car.

So it's really sad. I mean, it's obvious from the previous episodes that family is everything to Dean, and now he's gonna die in a year and he hasn't had the chance to have his own family. It's really sad.

My mum swears I'm obsessed...I mean, I might be a little cos I was retarded enough to put Dean singing as my phone ringtone but...I'm really not.

Supernatural cheers me up, that's all. I mean...It's kind of hard to explain. Maybe I'm a clingy person who reads too much into things, but Dean and Sam...they're symbolic. Right now, I really need to believe in what's good in this world and Sam and Dean, Jensen and Jared too actually, they represent 'good'.

The way I think, my view of life...it's drowned and stained with the shit that happens, what some people go through and I look at the world and all I see is bad stuff happening.

But here's something I can watch where these two guys fight the good fight...and yes, I am fully fucking aware that it's fiction. That's not the point.

Especially as so far as I've seen, Jared and Jensen themselves are good people.

I get obsessed with things and people quite a lot but it's not like...crazy psycho stalker obsessed. It's more... I don't know, maybe it's because I'm socially retarded. In average day to day life, I feel... I don't know, isolated I guess. My life is pretty empty at the moment. So 'exploring' people is all I can do. It gives me that window into...I guess life.

I don't know, I get attached way too easily I guess.

Anyways, for some reason, every time I've been close to losing it again I've watched Supernatural or the bloopers, and it's just...chilled me out and calmed me down.

I could've decked my sister the other day though. Giz not Kay. I said something about Supernatural and she called me pathetic in a really...it was that kind of tone of voice that's really fucking derogatary (sp).

It really made me mad.

But yeah I think I've rambled enough for today. It's gone one in the morning but unfortunately I just had a load of caffeine so I'm kinda stupidly awake now...but now. I'm the kind of awake that you want to sleep but can't so you're eyes hurt but you can't sleep.

It's annoying. But oh well. The problem I have when I get into one of these non sleeping but sleepy moods is that it's usually the time I start thinking too much about things.

Me and mummy are going to the cinema tomorrow to see the Sorcerers Apprentice. So I'll probably post when I get home tomorrow...actually it is tomorrow...so I'll probably post later today :P

So yeah.

Laters.

Fire of Unknown Origin

Is what I happen to be listening to right now. It's a good song by Blue Oyster Cult.

One of the fantastic things about watching Supernatural, aside from the wicked storylines and the great humour and the brothers of course, is that the creator has the same kind of music tastes I do, so I keep picking up awesome songs from the soundtrack :P

I got the first disc of Season 3 from LoveFilm today XD

And a film called Dead Silence, which I'm sure I'll post about when I've seen it.

My cousins were round yesterday and we had such a good laugh, we were like, pissing around with the camera and recoding little videos and stuff, and we all ended up with headaches from laughing so much.

We also came up with a horror film we're gonnat try making when I can get hold of a decent camera. I'm gonna be this psycho killer and kill Peter, and Sabi said she would hold the camera cos she doesn't wanna be in it. So I've gotta write a mini script for it at some point.

Lol, there's a bit in Season 2 where Dean sings this REO Speedwagon song as they're driving and I found it on youtube and recorded it onto my phone so I could set it as my ringtone. It's hilarious.

My phone sucks though cos I can't put anything decent as my message alert, but I'm thinking when I get a job that I'll get a contract phone and specifically ask for one I can change. I want a flip phone. I love flip phones.

I still haven't done anything more on Dead House. It's really getting me down, man. But I'm trying not to let it bother me cos the more I stress about it the more I won't be able to do anything. So I'm just gonna chill out and see if inspiration will decide to strike.

Anyways, I got houseword to do and Dead Silence to watch so I'll catch y'all later.

Misery loves company

I'm in a miserable mood, but my cousins are coming round today so I'm sure that'll cheer me up.

I found some awesome songs on Youtube last night, a few of which are really emotional, especially this one by Plum called Cut. Most of the music I listen to has male singers, so it's rather refreshing to have such an awesome song sung by a woman.

There was another female sang one which I'm not sure of the name but the chorus is something along the lines of "beating like a hammer...Help I'm alive, my heart keeps beating like a hammer."

Anyways, actually I'm a little cheered up already :)

I've had a few ideas for Dead House. Haven't worked on it for a while which is really bad but I kinda totally lost my inspiration.

I've decided to do several variations because I can't decide on the ending. So, I'm going to do a variation where they escape and run to the town but Dantalian follows and that's when the 'apocolypse' starts. Then I'm gonna do a variation where they don't leave the house and everyone dies except CJ. And I'm gonna explore a variation where they actually destroy Dantalian.
I'm also gonna explore the option of my character going a little nuts and killing Witheero, only to set Dantalian completely free and he kills her for the favour.

So yeah, I gotta a lot of work to do.

Laters xx

4th running

Watching Devour for I think the fourth time. I rented it from LoveFilm so I'm sending it back after I've finished watching it.

Meeting with the CMHT yesterday went okay I guess...she said I'd get a letter.

Then my sister Kay bought me coffee, and then her fiance Andy met up with us and we went for lunch and then Andy went back to work and we went back to their place and hung out and then when Andy came home we had dinner and watched Troy and then Andy took me home.

It was a really nice day. I felt like a normal person.

When you're sat in your room pretty much all day every day, you stop feeling like a person. You get isolated. After a while you don't care about socialising...it even gets kinda scary thinking about socialising.

So it was nice to break that. I felt...real I guess.

Aww...Jensen's crying :(

Anyho, so I got a few chores to do so I'm gonna finish Devour and then get on with it.

Oooh, before I finish, I was killing time at the library yesterday morniing while I was waiting for Kay, and I found a book, I forget it's name but it's by Anne Rice. I've never read any of her books, though I've seen couple of the movies, but this one really caught me. It's about an assassin who wants out of that life and meets an angel or something.

So that's it for now.

Laters x

Devour (Spoiler Alert!)

Okay, I'm back. I hate summer holidays, cos my life pretty much devolves into nothing but posting on websites. This and Facebook is pretty much my only social life at the moment. Which just sucks out loud.

It's a beautifully sunny day and I'm in a randomly cheery mood. Jobseekers went okay, but I broke my headphones. Not really bothered though cos they were shit anyway.

Okay, so Devour. This will involve spoilers so you have been warned. It was a good film although at times it seemed a bit disjointed. One of the things I liked most about it was that it wasn't a gorified horror film. What I mean is that it wasn't jam packed with stupid amounts of blood and guts and trying to make it look as real as possible. And for some reason I've just gone totally blank on how to spell possible.
It was a cult horror which was nice because I haven't actually seen that many cult horrors. It had an interesting plot as well. Basically this guy called Jake (played by Jensen Ackles), his best friend Conrad introduces him to this game called The Pathway, which takes your details and then gives you weird things to do.

They soon find out that The Pathway is seriously fucked up and Conrad and Dakota end up dead because of the game after committing some kind of crime. (Though admittedly the people they commited the crimes against were arseholes).

Anyways, after meeting this beautiful girl and realising after his uncle is killed that the game has something to do with Satan, Jake goes in search of answers and finds out that the people who he thought were his parents aren't and they actually stole him from Satan herself, his true mother. So, he freaks but goes after her and she's killed his fake parents and then reveals that she was the beautiful girl he was falling for (which is really fucked up when you think that he had made out with her and everything).

She tries to convince him to come back to her and do the whole prince of hell thing but he refuses so she makes it look like he killed his parents and he's arrested.

The great thing about the ending is that when he's getting arrested, Jake's doing a voice over and says something like 'Maybe they're right, maybe there is no Pathway and I made it all up for all the terrible things I had done'. So it kind of leaves it to you to decide whether he really was the son of Satan or whether he was just a psycho who imagined it all.

I like the way they portrayed Satan as well, when she's in her 'true' form, she's like this dark beast that looks like a cross between a faun and H R Gieger's Alien.

And I love the fact that they made Satan a woman. Jake said that she seduced people with the game. It makes so much more sense for Satan to be a woman when you think that Satan is trying to get people to commit sin. What better way than seduction? After all, if you go from the bible, when the serpent tricked Eve into eating the apple from the tree of knowledge, she then tried to get Adam to eat too.

And if you're dead, who are you gonna follow? A nice guy, or an amazing hot woman?

Men would follow the woman because...she's a woman. Women would follow her because women feel safer with other women.

That's horrendously generalising but still true.

I also liked the fact that the two sex scenes weren't very hardcore. One of them, they didn't even get naked and the other one they both got shot midway so... :P

One of the sex scenes was between Dakota and Jake and I got the feeling that Jensen wasn't very comfortable doing it. He seemed tense.

One bit really made me giggle. Conrad, Dakota and Jake are celebrating Jake's birthday and they're asking each other questions, like you do, and Dakota says "What was your weirdist family holiday".
The film opens with Jake having what he calls a 'waking nightmare' because what he sees is too awful to call daydreams, and he keeps getting these visions throughout the film.
So he's telling them about this one time at Thanksgiving when he was building his mum a ramp (cos she's in a wheelchair), and the Father's round and smiling at him and he has a hammer in his hand and he says all he could think about was bashing the Father's head in, and then his parent's heads, and then half the people he knew. And then he says "I thought wow, what else would I like to do, and all this crazy shit went through my head" and Dakota says "Then what happened?" and bearing in mind that all this has been said with all serious gravity and everything, Jake just goes "I went inside and we all ate turkey."

It's one of those things that's funnier when you see it yourself. It's just how everything was so serious and you're thinking oh my god, where is this leading to, what did he do? and then he just says that.

Anyways, so yeah, that was Devour. I'm not saying it was like one of those "Oh my god such a fantastic film" movies, but it was good enough to be added to my DVD collection.

I said I'd update about Uni courses as well. I was telling mum about the Acting and Stage Combat course and she said that it didn't sound like the right course for me and I was thinking..I think she might be right.

I mean I do really, really wanna act but I wanna know what I'm doing as a director as well. I mean, loads of people have done acting without doing a degree in acting. I was thinking I could take a degree in something like Film Production and take acting classes on the side.

There's still the BA in Film Production at the Arts University College of Bournemouth to think about.

I mean I guess as long as I take something to do with film then it's all good.

There were some awesome things on that acting course that I'd love to do, like horse riding and Aikido and Archery, but if I'm going to do a degree, I should do one that's really gonna be productive and you know...a step towards my career and everything, and I think because of the different aspects of film making I wanna do, a degree in Film Production is the best way to go because it involves a little of everything.

But it doesn't really matter quite yet. I don't need to worry about Uni until I'm applying and that's not for another three years so...All I need to focus on right now is getting through these last GCSE's and finding a job.

I already know what most of my money's gonna be going on. My DSLR. I really, really, really wanna get one. I've wanted one for ages and I'm not gonna put it backseat anymore. I'm gonna put as much aside as I can and only get what I really need while I save up. I'm gonna get a Canon. There's a nice bundle for just under £400 in Argos at the moment which is fantastic for starting up, it includes a Canon 1000D with an 18-22mm (I think) lens, a camera bag and a 4G memory card.

Perfect for beginners.

So anyways, I've talked about everything I wanted to talk about, I have chores to do for mummy so I'll catch y'all later...which is hilarious to write considering there's no one actually reading this blog as far as I'm aware.

But hey...it's just like a technological way of talking to myself XD

Laters Self xXx

Type

I have to type fast because I have to go get the bus so if there's a myriad of spelling and grammmat mistakes, I do apologise, but I don't have time to go through and check.

I'm on my way to sign on with Job Seekers so that I get a little help moneywise until I can find a job I can live with while I'm at college.

I really wish I could just get out there and start making films, because I have so many ideas, but I guess I have to be patient.

I watched The Imaginarium of Dr Parnassus, and thought it had a good plot idea and good special effects, I didn't like that there was so much 'common violence' in it, like thug-ness if that makes sense.

I also watched a film called Devour, which I will post about later because there's quite a bit about it that I want to discuss.

Um what else can I say in the two minutes before I go for the bus?

I have my appointment with the CMHT tomorrow morning so I'll post after with how that went.

Um, I think I posted about swimming and Tae Kwon Do, I'll check later and if I didn't I'll post again.

Ooh, I also have to update on Uni courses.

I've gotta go for the bus now so anything I've left out I will add later when I post about Devour.

So yeah, that's it and I'll be back in a few hours.

Laters xx

Just keep swimming

So I went swimming today, like I said I would. I didn't chicken out at all, I was worried that I would because it was actually pretty terrifying the idea of going swimming again.

I've actually been rather active today, I cleaned the kitchen, I got out and did some of the garden with my nan and dad, I went swimming and I'm about to go down the highstreet.

Not too bad for me :P

Can't do Tae Kwon Do yet. Kay wants to be fitter so it won't set her asthma off.

Giz didn't bring Supernatural Season 2 back so I can't watch it :(

Too tired to write anything else so that's all.

xXx

Inner Demons

I'm determined to change the way I see life. My views have been negative for so long that it's hard to break that cycle.

Inner demons are very persuasive and very bitchy. In fact, they're almost like petulant children. They scream at you all your faults and flaws and then stamp their feet and scream louder when you try to ignore them.

If my inner demons were children, they're the kind of kids you would have to slap on the wrist daily. Probably even hourly.

They're not innocent enough to be children though. They're nasty sons of bitches and they're strong. I used to believe that they were stronger than me and all I could do was give up and let them have their way.

Like if I decide that life's worth living and I don't wanna die, my demons will tell me that I'm chickening out, that I'm too much of a coward to kill myself.
If I say to myself I can handle this, I can do it, they'll tell me I've already blown it. I'm 18 and I'm behind most 16 year olds, I've wasted my life so far. 18 years is a long time, 18 years on this planet and what have I got to show for it?

A couple of minor demons raised their ugly heads the other day, I think it was thursday. My most common demons. They call me fat and ugly. No chance of being an actress, they say, far too fat, far too ugly, no one would want to see you on their screen.

My mum told me that I'm not fat, and I'm not ugly. I just need to take better care of myself.

As stupid as this may sound, I'm not sure I know how to do that. I mean...I spent a long time trying to look after myself mentally, building my defences, my barriers and my walls...that I ignored the physical. Now I'm paying for it. Not as much as I will if I don't start looking after myself now though.

People look at me and some have said it must be good to not give a shit what you look like, to wear whatever you want and just not care.

But the problem is, I do care. I spend a long time every single day worrying about how I look.

And I don't mean standing in front of a mirror for hours every morning getting ready.

That bit I honestly don't give a rats ass about.

I don't particularly like mirrors. I look in one and suddenly I feel hatred. More hatred than I feel for anything or anyone else.

I've had irrational moments where I just wanna tear away my face, literally, I've had waking nightmares of actually carving my face. I figured a tonne of scars would be an improvement. I'm glad I never went through with that but again, my demons will say it's just cos I'm a coward.

Well you know what? I'm not a fucking coward. I'm not stupidly brave but I'm definitely not a coward.

And y'know, I could look a hell of a lot worse and be a hell of a lot fatter and yes, I could be skinnier and a damn sight better looking, but that's okay.

I can lose weight, and I can take better care of myself, and I'm gonna do both of those things. I'm gonna turn my life around.

And you know what? I think living even when you're terrified most of the time, is a lot braver than killing yourself.

People say that suicide is the coward's way out. I don't believe that. I think that's taking away the different kind of courage that suicides have...or had.

But living is definitely not cowardice, and it's fucking hard work. Sometimes it's so hard you don't think you'll make it.

But you gotta look at the little things. The little achievements. Something as simple as saying, I didn't feel like doing anything but I still went down the street and got the cat food.

I felt like shit but I still went into town.

Every big achievement is made up of a load of small ones and it's easier to have a tonne of little goals than one fuck off big one.

I'm not even sure what my fuck off big goal is but I know what all my little ones are and yeah, some of them have to wait. But there are ones I can do right now and they'll be big steps for me.

Just the fact that I didn't just quit college altogether, that I'm going back in September to get my final GCSE's, that's pretty huge if you think about it.

I may have dropped a long way from the potential people said I had when I was a little girl, but I've come a long way since I landed and yeah there's still a ways to climb, but someone must have slipped me a metaphorical energy shot cos I'm climbing again.

There are people out there who have climbed their way up from having less good and more shit to deal with than me, and they did it. They turned their lives around, they didn't give up and they made it.

If they can do it, so can I.

I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with my demons, I know that. But you know what? My inner demons can kiss my fat ass cos I ain't being their punch bag any more.

They may have won a few major battles but I'm the one who's gonna win this war!

Feelin' like a monday...

... But someday I'll be Saturday night!

I feel like crap physically; Lack of sleep + feeling like I'm gonna hurl everytime I move + a day in town yesterday = not getting out of bed until half one in the afternoon.

Job Seekers went okay, some jerk tried backing his car into me and the guy at the tattoo shop said he tattoos on wrists and mine should cost around £60 but he wouldn't know for sure until we had it properly drawn up.

Haven't done any full on work for days :( I was trying to figure out things on thursday night and realised exactly how much work still has to be done on Dead House.

For one thing, I've completely changed the plot, I mean the basics are still the same but so much of it has changed.

I've gone from having over 15 characters to having 7 - which means I have to re-allocate the dialogue.

I'm taking out most of their weapons. Which means I need some other way of keeping them alive long enough to find out about everything.

I was looking through a book my mum got me on short film making and realised that I had only been using like three different shot sizes when there are like eight main ones. I was just using CU, MS and LS mostly.

The full list is ECU, BCU, CU, MCU, MS, MLS, LS, ELS. And that's just like for scripting purposes, it changes a lot when you're actually filming.

Jensen said I shouldn't worry too much about camera angles in the scipt because a lot gets changed during filming so that's something I guess.

It's just I had completely forgotten about MCU and that's what a lot of my shots are so I have to go through everything I've already written and change it.

Storyboarding sucks cos I can't draw it the way I envision it in my head.

It's just...It seems that no matter how hard I try, it just seems stupid to believe that I can actually make it happen someday, that I can actually do it. Like I'm setting myself up for disappointment.

I can't wait to get my tattoo done. To have that reminder there to see always. To remind me that I made the choice. I said to myself this is it, this is what I want and I'm not backing down til I get it, I'm not giving up.

I feel like giving up right now. But I'm not going to. I know that this mood will pass. Sure, it'll be back again and because of who I am, I'll probably get these moods for the rest of my life. I just have to fight through them.

I have the appointment with the CMHT on Tuesday, see if they can help.

Ooh, I got a swimming costume yesterday. I have not been swimming since I was like...in year 6! I'm not too good at swimming but it's said to be one of the best forms of exercise so...I'm going on Sunday. I'm determined not to chicken out.

Oh and I might possible get a job working at a club on Friday and Saturday nights. A small job is better than no job, but we'll have to wait and see.

Oh and apparently I'm eligable for jobseekers just until I go back to college. But hey, that's a little bit of money at least.

So yeah, that's the update.

Later xXx

Check

Kitchen, check
Washing, check
Job seekers, check

Did all that was on my list except the most important. I didn't get any work done, like...at all.

And me and Kay went to the leisure centre to check about Tae Kwon Do only to find that it was finished for the summer so we have to go next week to find out about it.

Apart from that it's been a super day. I was a bit miffed though, cos I had psyched myself up to go and give it a go and not chicken out and everything so then I was really restless and wanting to do something physical and not having anything to do...which is something I've been feeling a lot recently.

The most annoying thing is that I've been having a tonne of ideas and not being able to do them. It's like, it's gonna be at least six years before I even finish education let alone start my career, but I have ideas NOW!

It's so fucking frustrating man, but I guess all I can do is be patient and take every oppertunity that comes my way.

Mum's borrowing some money of my grandad so we'll be able to sort my room out, and she says we might be able to get my tattoo done early so when I'm in town on Friday for my job seekers interview, I'm going to Skin Grafiti, which is a tattoo shop, to ask how much my tat design would cost.

My other sis Giz gave me a lecture the other day because it involves someone's name and she was all, never get someones name tattooed because oppinions and likes etc change but you'll have to wear it for the rest of your life.

Usually I agree with that and under normal circumstances I wouldn't get a name tattooed but it's not about the name. It's a reminder about a part of my life that the person happened to play a part in, and I'm getting this tattoo to remind me that when I talked to this person, something clicked inside of me and I made the conscious decision that I wasn't going to just give up.

So any time I feel like giving up and throwing in the towel, I can look down and see this tattoo and think, that's why I'm here. That's why I'm not giving up, I made that choice and I'm not gonna back out now!

I really hope they'll agree to do it where I want. Some people don't tattoo on wrists. Plus I have scars on my arms so we'll have to do it in a place where there aren't any scars cos a lot of people won't tattoo over scars either.

But I'll find a place to get it done.

So that's it, I'll probably post on Friday depending on how it goes at the job centre.

Chow.

Life is a lemon...

...and I want my money back!

Good tune. Sat here watching Supernatural...again. I have to repeat the first season, despite having watched it over 6 times all the way through, cos my cow of a sister stole season 2. Not that I haven't watched that more than once but...

I just had a phone interview with Job Seekers and the woman spoke really fast and was clearly thrilled (being sarcastic here) with her job. Anyways, I have an appointment with them on Friday.

DUDES!!!!! It's FRIDAY THE 13TH!!!!!!! I love friday the 13ths. They're awesome.

Drew out a page of storyboard for Dead House yesterday. Think I'm gonna have to watch some behind the scenes and see how other directors do it. I know basically what I'm doing...it's just sloughing it out until I'm finished. Which is easier said than done cos my attention span sucks at the moment.

I'm really liking being able to touch type though cos it means I can watch supernatural and type at the same time cos I can type without looking.

Yeah, I'm awesome. Lol, kidding.

So my to do list today is cleaning the kitching, carrying on with the washing, and getting some work done. I've already checked Job Seekers off the list so it's not gonna be a total waste of a day.

Also it's wednesday, which means if my sister keeps her word, we should be going to the leisure centre today to check out Tae Kwon Do.

Should be getting my first tattoo hopefully in december for my birthday.

Oh and I'm changing my name (not legally just nicky) to Brook. I don't think my real name would do any good on the credits of a film, so...Loads of people have 'screen names', so yeah...my real name sucks.

So anyway, update updated.

Yahtzee.

xXx

Productive day

Relatively. Got some cleaning done. Rang Job Seekers.

I'm in an uncomfortably healthy frame of mind at the moment :P

I'm not sleeping well at the moment. Last couple of nights I've been waking up stupidly early. Like this morning I was awake at 3am. Had an idea for Dead House so I wrote that down. I can so totally understand how someone could accidentally overdose on sleeping pills.
You just lie there willing yourself to fall asleep and the longer you don't the more wound up you get so the less likely you actually are to fall asleep. It's so fucking frustrating. Add to that, that I've been having fucking nasty dreams again.

Like the one I had at some point this morning, I had a massive fight with my mum and said some terrible things though I can't remember what they were but everyone was pissed off with me and then I did something that resulted in mum breaking her ankle and everyone was mad but dad was positively homocidal and came after me with a gun!!! I was absolutely frickin' terrified! And just as my dad found me and went to shoot me my mum came and woke me up looking for her headphones (which I pinched to listen to my MP3).

It was horrible.

Oh, and right now I have a Nickelback addiction, I keep listening to the Dark Horse album. My favourite songs are Gotta Be Sombody, I'd Come For You, Just To Get High, Never Gonna Be Alone and If Today Was Your Last Day.

I like all the songs but they're my favourites. They cheer me up.

So yeah. Dead House is still coming on rather slow which is a bugger but I just gotta get back in the flow of it, that's all. I'm thinking of actually doing it properly as if it were a job, like saying right from 9am to 5pm you are going to sit in front of that computer and write Dead House NO DISTRACTIONS!!!!

I'm sure if I just nuckle down I'll get it done. :)

So that's all for now. Maybe one day someone will actually read this blog lmao :P

Sunday

Well...Milo is dead. Dad got my computer fixed and working. Nine days til my appointment with the CMHT. Then I'm tagging along to the dentist with mum to make an appointment on the 23rd, see if they can fix my wonky teeth. Then I got my appointment at college on the 25th. Should get my results for Photography soon as well.

Had a brief flash of inspiration for Dead House. Might try writing some in a bit.

Finally have caffeinated coffee to drink so that's awesome.

I'm still in a bit of a crappy mood but hopefully it'll go away soon.

I know that my bad moods always go...I just have to get through them without breaking anything.

Easier said than done.

It's exhausting ploughing through but what else can I do? (Rhyme!)

Hopefully the CMHT will know what to do to keep me sane :/

I'm gonna write the little affirmation I found on the net on a big piece of paper and stick it above my desk. "Failure is only temporary. Giving up makes it permanent."

I'm also getting what Jensen said to me tattooed on my arm asap. He knows what that is. I don't think anyone else does.

Anyways, so that's that.

F*cking Determined!

The limits of my patience to stay happy are being pushed. In fact, it goes beyond push, more like...barrelled into by events.

Firstly, I couldn't stop crying yesterday because of the events in yesterdays post. Then my computer decided to get a major fucking trojan virus that won't let me do anything...and that computer has EVERYTHING...all my work. All my stories, my scripts, my photo's, absolutely fucking EVERYTHING! If they can't be recovered that's it, I'm well and truly fucked!

So that happened yesterday afternoon so mixed with yesterdays post events I ended up crying so much I gave myself a major fucking headache, which I hate!

So I watched the gag reel and a really funny episode of Supernatural which cheered me up some and I went to bed, had a trippy dream and woke up laughing.

So I think y'know...I'm gonna get through this, I just have to keep myself laughing until everything's okay.

So I come downstairs to get breakfast...mum's waiting at the bottom with her arms out ready to hug me. "Milo's dying" she says.

I'm half asleep, I blink, I say "What?" and she repeats.

Milo is one of my rats, and he's dying.

So I'm on my laptop, which is on its way out and being slow, with another crappy fucking headache forming, wondering why the fuck I'm bothering.

But there's always gonna be bumps in the road. It's so fucking exhausting trying to hold on to the determination I had for the past couple of weeks.

But I'm a stupidly stubborn bitch and I'm not giving up!

"Don't worry about a thing, cos every little thing, is gonna be alright" - I wrote that on Jensen's wall just before he deleted his facebook...that song has always made me feel better, even though yesterday it made me cry.

I'm just gonna keep saying it and everything will be fine.

xXx

Things always change

I'm in a sad mood today and that always makes working hard.

I feel like I've lost two very good friends because they had to delete their facebook pages. I'm going to miss talking to them but I haven't really lost them because one day we'll see each other and everything will be fine.
But getting to a point where I can see them seems a lifetime away :(

But it's my goal, it's something to hold on to, hold on for. There seems plenty of the now. Even though there are still so many bad things in the world, I'm seeing the good as well, for the first time in years I'm seeing what makes life worth living.

I've made a lot of mistakes in my life, and I'll always feel bad about them but I can't keep beating myself up for the past forever.

I'm moving on and I'm going to have the life I want and be the person I wanna be.

Speaking of which, there's an extra going on at college to be involved in two productions in the year and you can choose to act. Luckily my enrolment is with Una MacDonald and I already know her cos I had her for Media and she's lovely, so I'll ask her about it.

There's not much else to update really, I haven't been able to work on Dead House for a couple of days because my inspiration's gone out the window, but hopefully I'll get it back soon if I just keep working at it.

xXx

3rd August 2010

I've had a pretty mundane but good day.

Watched My Bloody Valentine this morning, worked on Dead House, talked on Facebook, worked on Dead House, watched Watchmen (and was disappointed), talked on facebook and worked on Dead House.

It's coming along. Still have tonnes to do though so no slacking off missy!

(Yes, I talk to myself. Gees, you shoulda heard me today, was talking to myself through MBV, talking to myself as I did the washing and apparently according to my mum, it's disturbing because I answer myself back. I thought everyone did that)

Anyways, it's been a pretty good day so... I'm kind of expecting it to all start falling apart because that's what it usually does, and it's actually really tiring to ignore that feeling and keep plodding on anyway.

But...People do it everyday, why the hell shouldn't I?

My Bloody Valentine

I just watched My Bloody Valentine, starring Jensen Ackles and Kerr Smith. I gotta say, it is definitely going in my DVD collection.

I had three different theories on who it was but I was right the first time. I'm not gonna say just in case someone reads this who hasn't seen it. Wouldn't wanna ruin it.

I have a habit of shouting things at people, especially in horror movies, like "Turn the fuck around, he's behind you!" or "Don't go follow the fucking noise!", etc. It's standard horror movie rules mostly. So if anyone had watched me watching MBV, they'd probably think me mad lol.

The most common thing I shout in horror movies is "Why the fuck aren't you running yet?!"

Which I did shout a couple of times during the film. And "Don't go in there!".

I was a bit miffed at there being yet another pointless sex scene in a horror movie, but it all ended up being okay because they followed rule number 7 - If you have sex you will die!

And they did. So it was okay.

It was strange though. In Supernatural, because it's a TV show I guess, there is no proper swearing or anything, so hearing Jensen Ackles shout "Fuck!" was rather strange.

I swear all the fucking time so when I come across someone and don't hear them swear and then suddenly hear them swear, it always strikes me as odd, lol.

Anyways, I should probably go get some work done on Dead House

xXx

Dead House

Okay, I was talking to my mum just a minute ago. It's really been pissing me off the last couple of days because I haven't really been able to write anything for Dead House because I can see it as scenes in my head and I know what has to happen and everything but I can't think of a decent way to write it, so my mum said to just write it as a script.
That might seem really obvious but I figured it would be easier to write the script if I had the story version to refer to, which I think I wrote about in 'Work'.

So, now I'm going to just get on and write the script rather than the story.

I have the first scene, the opening credits and I'm on the second scene. I have a full script from when it was Twisted Toys, but it's changed a lot since then so I'm only going to refer to that for the most basic stuff.

After I've completed the script, I can start on story boards. I ain't that good at drawing but for story boards you don't really need to be as long as you can get your point across.

I even have some ideas for the soundtrack, but hey, one step at a time.

So, Step One. Script.

Jensen Ackles

So as I mentioned (I think) in 'Work', there's a character in Dead House called CJ and I really, really want Jensen Ackles to play him because he would be perfect.

Now here's the fun bit. I found Jensen Ackles on Facebook and we were talking (*gobsmacked*), and I said about writing a film and CJ and everything and I said if I ever made the film would he consider the part and he said

Jensen Ross Ackles Definately, I consider every acting opportunity that comes along. xx
17 minutes ago · LikeUnlike ·

I can't believe I'm actually talking to him. It's amazing. Now I have motivation to really work my arse off to make this film!

SUPERNATURAL

LISTEN UP PEEPS, THIS SEASON OF SUPERNATURAL IS THE LAST ONE SO TELL EVERYBODY!!!!!!