F*cking Determined!

The limits of my patience to stay happy are being pushed. In fact, it goes beyond push, more like...barrelled into by events.

Firstly, I couldn't stop crying yesterday because of the events in yesterdays post. Then my computer decided to get a major fucking trojan virus that won't let me do anything...and that computer has EVERYTHING...all my work. All my stories, my scripts, my photo's, absolutely fucking EVERYTHING! If they can't be recovered that's it, I'm well and truly fucked!

So that happened yesterday afternoon so mixed with yesterdays post events I ended up crying so much I gave myself a major fucking headache, which I hate!

So I watched the gag reel and a really funny episode of Supernatural which cheered me up some and I went to bed, had a trippy dream and woke up laughing.

So I think y'know...I'm gonna get through this, I just have to keep myself laughing until everything's okay.

So I come downstairs to get breakfast...mum's waiting at the bottom with her arms out ready to hug me. "Milo's dying" she says.

I'm half asleep, I blink, I say "What?" and she repeats.

Milo is one of my rats, and he's dying.

So I'm on my laptop, which is on its way out and being slow, with another crappy fucking headache forming, wondering why the fuck I'm bothering.

But there's always gonna be bumps in the road. It's so fucking exhausting trying to hold on to the determination I had for the past couple of weeks.

But I'm a stupidly stubborn bitch and I'm not giving up!

"Don't worry about a thing, cos every little thing, is gonna be alright" - I wrote that on Jensen's wall just before he deleted his facebook...that song has always made me feel better, even though yesterday it made me cry.

I'm just gonna keep saying it and everything will be fine.

xXx